I remember looking at the clock in the delivery room as soon as she came out and it was 6:05 a.m. A moment I can never change, but a moment that was worth everything that has happened so far, and that will happen in the future.
Right after I had her, I was in that weird half lying half sitting position with my legs on the stirrups and dreading having to give one more push to get the friggin placenta out, while there, I wondered if I would actually be able to love her like a normal mother should. They put her on me, and I was in shock, this little human being, this little girl was mine!
I still don't really think I felt anything like love, or whatever till a couple hours later, when the full reality of it hit me. I looked at her and I realised, she really is mine, and shes here to stay.
So, here she is, almost two, and here I am, extremely proud and happy we've both survived this far.
It's been hard, I won't lie. Sometimes I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep forever and never wake up. Shes active, which as great as that is, makes me want to tie her down for a long time. heh. But just her smile, and when she says things in her cutest lil voice, and when she gives me kissies and says "mommy sad," makes my heart want to melt and I want to squeeze her to infinity.
